Inhale. Exhale. Laugh. Cry. Repeat.

It is hilariously and sadly validating when one of your doctors calls you a medical enigma.

I’m writing this with my left foot propped up because I have strained it from overuse ( but YAY the x-ray showed no breaks or fractures!!) Always funny to tell the doctor- I cannot really feel my foot all the time because of MS so right now I’m not really in that much pain per se and I can’t even really feel you touching it right now but sometimes I can REALLY feel it and it HURTS in a WEIRD way-MD 360 Dr was like- but can’t you see the bruising and swelling?

So I’m already frustrated that I can’t walk with my life-sustaining friend all week…Poor Mac the dog will NOT be happy and will be running around the house like crazy whining and looking at me like I am his enemy.

And then I go to my regularly scheduled GYN appointment (shout out to that wonderful practice for moving me around since I was still at MD 360 during the initial appointment…)

And then the gynecologist who I have never seen before becomes my new BFF for lots of reasons :

1) my quirky arm had a difficult time putting on the flimsy paper gown so I accidentally broke the arm hole and I was just kind of holding it up and he came in and said “Let’s get you a new gown because that doesn’t look too comfortable and we have a lot to talk about”

2) he’d actually read my very very very long chart and was familiar with my story and made me feel not only physically comfortable but seen and heard and understood (which certainly helps as he’s about to give me a pelvic exam and we all know how fabulous those are- NOT)

3) he spent a long time listening to the new issues and then, upon the exam, discovered some interesting ( hence the word medical enigma) things going on and then calmly explained that the next step would be to get a CAT scan of my whole lower and upper abdominal area and go from there. And he basically had it scheduled immediately so that’s what I’ll be doing tomorrow. In between seeing clients- which we all know is one of my favorite things to do. So I’m very grateful not to have to cancel the whole day.

And this dear man wanted to see my foot that was causing extra trouble and we talked about how because of not being able to do all of my regular exercising while recovering from surgery, its an overuse injury from walking more than usual and because I’m not 21 anymore and have MS – blah, blah, blah. And he understood because he says he has been there and uses exercise to manage stress as well. Lots of compassion going on in that exam room today. And to top it all off, he said he loves to operate and will gladly do that but thinks it’s best to give it a bit more time because of all my body has been through recently AND we have to impatiently wait for what the CAT scans show. He gets me and we have only just met- gotta love that!

So what a day. A day of some fuckenings. Or as one of my MS soul sisters says- Fuckerys. Both words are powerful and necessary!!

At least I can do my strength training exercises. And write. And use all the other outlets I incorporate into my high maintenance lifestyle of existing as a human in this body of mine.

So please send some love to Mac (our Old English Bulldog) as he has to suffer this week as well. He is looking at me like WTF right now because this is the time we usually go for our walk.

And please also send some love to my family as I might be a tad moody and more irritable this week as well- nothing they aren’t already used to…

And I will continue to offer gratitude to all of you out there who are living examples of kindness-givers and encouragers as I give myself permission to feel all the emotions. And painful things inside.

So may we all practice giving and receiving compassion- to ourselves and to others. And to letting ourselves honor one another’s experiences with acceptance and humor and empathy so that we may keep inhaling and exhaling and laughing and crying and repeating that process together.

6 thoughts on “Inhale. Exhale. Laugh. Cry. Repeat.

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